The Secret to Beating the Comparison Game

August 6, 2018

We’re BIG game people. It’s no surprise that this round-the-clock-strategy-brain sure loves a good cut-throat battle in our dining room. Settlers of Catan is a staple in most of our close friendships and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. We may not be your classiest gala-going, wine-drinking friends, but we know how to have a quality game night, with a side of crock pot nachos and plenty of playful sass. 😉


Recently, I was introduced to a new wave of board games where you actually work together to beat the game…not each other. 😱 It may not have spoken to my competitive nature as strongly at first, but it sure does speak to the heart of something bigger I’ve been thinking about lately. Something that even you board-game haters who were ready to click away can relate to. 😉


I think in many cases, until we can name our problem and call it like it is, we struggle to overcome it. Take imposter syndrome, for example. Who else felt so relieved and understood when you first heard that term and realized you weren’t the only one struggling to believe you belonged in this creative business world? It was refreshing, it was encouraging, and it gave you something to fight. Something you could define, understand, and start to work against!


Well, that, friends, is what I think we need to do with the comparison game.


Stop fighting the fight alone in our leggings and not-so-instagram-worthy top knots comparing our bad day to hers. Let’s turn our focus from battling each other and stand side-by-side in the fight against the game.

You in?


Ok, good. Let’s do this. 🤗


So, first, you need to know that every.single.person you follow on social media is mostly showing their highlight reel. You’ve heard it said, you know it’s true, but it may not have gotten from your head to your heart quite yet. Those influencers you follow might occasionally show you a messy desk or a messy bun, but even their version of that typically has pretty light and looks wayyyy cuter on them than the average person. I, for one, have not mastered the top knot. Pretty please tell me I’m not alone!


We all know deep down that our Insta-friends have hard days, we know they’re not perfect, but even when the real life, authentic reality is shared, the struggle remains. We may not be comparing our everyday to their highlight reel, but now we’re comparing our bad days to hers.


“Even her bad days look like heaven compared to mine.”


It never ends, does it?


So here’s the moment. The big truth, the hard pill to swallow.


It’s time we call comparison by its first name…jealousy.


The reality is, when we compare our life to hers and get that gut-wrenching feeling that we’ll never live up to our celebrity creative counterparts, what we’re really doing is elevating their reality and sitting in jealousy.


We’re jealous that she can pull off the messy bun. We’re jealous that her cute skinny bod looks so perfect on her perfectly fluffy white bed. We’re jealous that her follower count has a ‘K’ on the end. We’re jealous that she can afford to drink Starbucks every day while working from her couch. We’re jealous that she has such a positive perspective and is so wise compared to us. We’re jealous of her kids, her work, her husband, her life, her anything because it’s not ours. It’s time we call it like it is…


comparison = jealousy and that color doesn’t look good on anyone


Jealousy is ugly. It steals your joy. It encourages you to focus on what you don’t have instead of choosing gratitude for what you do have. It causes pain and it honestly never ends. Some of the richest or most famous people who “have it all” are some of the unhappiest and there’s a reason for that.


So, what does it actually look like to fight the jealousy game together, you ask?


It looks like choosing and speaking truth. It looks like community over competition. It looks like assuming the best of each other and encouraging others, even when we’re at our worst. It looks like finding gratitude for the season you’re in right now. It looks like calling out our jealousy for what it is and trading the envy for motivation.


Let’s choose to be inspired by the success of the insta-celebs out there and turn those feelings of jealousy into the motivation we need to push us toward our own goals.


I actually find it comical how often I will catch myself envying something someone else has, only to remember, I don’t actually want that life!! Their form of success is not actually where I want my business to go, and that’s okay!


You see, I believe you were created with unique gifts and passions for a reason…to use them. If we all tried to be a clone of Jenna Kutcher or Jasmine Star, the world would be a much more boring place, and I believe both of those women would echo that statement.


So, today, I want you to take those jealous thoughts and do something about it. We need to..

  1. Call it what it is. Jealousy.
  2. Remember she’s a real human who struggles, cries, laughs and poops. 💩
  3. Find a simple takeaway from her that will motivate you to keep growing in your own business and life.


Write her name down and then answer these questions:

What is it that I’m jealous of?

What’s a quality she has that I would like to grow in?

What’s something she does that I could start doing in my own business?

What do I know about her life or business that’s not for me? (Figure out what you don’t want)

If I were to meet her in person today, what’s one way I could sincerely encourage her?


At the end of the day we’re all different, we all have unique giftings and we’re all going to do life a little differently. We can choose to be jealous of what everyone else has and not-so-impatiently wait for our so-called ‘big break’ OR we can lift each other up, choose to humbly learn from each other and be grateful for right now.

Join me in sharing this truth with our online community with this sweet little hand-lettered reminder to drop the jealousy and choose a grateful heart.


Cheering you on, friend!

<3 Val

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